Weil der letzte fremdsprchliche "Witz" doch recht aufmerksam wahrgenommen wurde, hier noch so einer :
A Texas Ranger pulled over a red Porsche (inhabited by a Yankee) after it had run a stop sign.
He walked up to the car door and said, "Sir, may I see your driver's license and registration please?"
The Yankee said, "What's the problem, officer?"
"You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection."
"Oh, come on pal, there wasn't a car within miles of me!"
"Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution."
"You gotta be kidding me!"
"It's no joke, sir".
"Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution."
"That's beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn't.
Now if I may see your license and..."
"You've got a lot of time on your hands, PAL! What's the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?"
"Sir, I'll overlook that last comment. Let me see your license and registration immediately!"
"I will, if you can tell me the difference between slowing down, and coming to a complete stop."
The elderly Ranger had enough and said to the driver,
"Sir, I can do better than that."
He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out,
and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick.
"Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?"
This is why we Texans love our Texas Rangers. Teaching by example is not a lost art in Texas.
Beim Italiener.
Frau (zeigt auf etwas in der Speisekarte): "Herr Ober, wie spricht man denn bitte dieses Gericht da aus?"
Kellner: "Dös isch d'Numma droiadroischg."
Bin gerade dabei, der Praktikantin die "Grundlagen des Arbeitens mit Excel" beizubringen.
Momentan stehen wir im Edeka vor dem Spirituosenregal.
Neulich im Taxi.
Ich: Komisch, ich bin noch nie nüchtern mit dem Taxi gefahren.
Taxifahrer: Ich auch nicht.
Was haben wir da beide gelacht.
Ich bestehe zu 85 % aus Zynismus und Sarkasmus. Die restlichen 15 % sind aus Liebe zu Alkohol und Nikotin.
Opa isr der Beste.
Auf dem Küchentisch liegt ein Zettel von Oma: "Sind auf dem Friedhof"
Opa schreibt dazu: "Kommen aber wieder".
"(...) Aber der Haken dabei ist: Das Projekt kostet fünf Millionen."
"Egal. Genehmigt."
"Ach, noch was. Nur eine Kleinigkeit. Ich bräuchte eine neue Tastatur."
"Sind Sie verrückt? Da könnte ja dann jeder daherkommen!"
The cowboy Anthropologist or (-whisperer)
Cowboy: "That your dog?"
Indian: "Yep."
Cowboy: "Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (Pointing at the Indian...)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Indian...)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather."
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep lie."
